


i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night

by aroundu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crush, Drabble, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25284961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroundu/pseuds/aroundu
Summary: Holding the lifeless pillow in his arms could be similar to holding a limply sleeping Rei. Only because Kaoru was so close, would he be able to feel Rei’s idyllic heart beat, and the proof that for as monstrous Rei claimed he was, he was still occupying the living world.
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Sakuma Rei
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night

**Author's Note:**

> listened to teardrops on my guitar too hard and now we have this

Kaoru thinks Rei wouldn't be so bad to sleep next to. The man has had so much practice with his daily naps that are as countless as there are blades of grass, and he's an "old man" so he would probably enjoy doing something mundane like cuddling. It'd be nice to share a space like that- it reeks of intimacy in a way that makes Kaoru's heart cry and swoon just like the fans at their live shows.

He's not a high schooler anymore, so it's more than a little pathetic to be awake at who knows what hour of the night pining after someone who's so close yet so far away, and to be thinking words that make his hopelessly romantic heart ache. But he's not unused to troubled thoughts that keep him up, and with Nagisa and Yuuta both sleeping soundlessly, he knows he'll have no witnesses to his longing.

The body pillow he laid next to would be his only companion through this. He got it years ago when his restlessness at night had gotten so bad that he felt as nocturnal as the vampire he pined for. 

During those days of little sleep, he found himself growing in agitation, finding the littlest things- like a shoe squeaking against the floor after being outside in the rain, or the click of someone's pen during a boring lecture- would have him grinding his teeth. When it got to the point where he snapped at a girl he was on a date with for continuing to sip through the straw of her empty drink and making such an annoying sound, Kaoru vowed he had to sleep better.

He didn't want to end up like his dad.

So, even a guy as repressed as the Kaoru of the past convinced himself to buy something as “fruity” as a body pillow.

Even then, he had to sell it in his mind that above all else he needed to sleep better or else he'd lose his charm with girls. And who was Kaoru Hakaze if not a wonder with the ladies?

Tugging the body pillow closer to himself, Kaoru closes his eyes harder and imagines it could be Rei. 

Rei’s body ran cold, the blood that moved in his body lethargic like a lazy cat lapping up milk for dessert after dinner. Kaoru’s known the guy for enough years now to have his whines memorized by heart about his numb fingers, and hyperbolic complaints when losing a sock during winter. Kaoru thinks that Rei wouldn’t mind being a little spoon then, since he fretted so much about staying warm.

The softness that rests under his head is no longer the pillow, but he imagines it’s Rei, happily wrapped up in Kaoru’s arms, trying to leech off of the body heat Kaoru offered him. Black hair would tickle his nose, and Kaoru would only let out a laugh as hard as a hard exhale before the smell of Rei’s shampoo would lull him to curl closer. It’d be something sharp like a spice, but sophisticated to not reek like a middle school boys locker room.

Another thing Kaoru knew from past experience was that Rei slept like the dead. Before the twins figured out that playing the flute woke him up with large success, rousing Rei from his slumber was as hopeless as surfing on a day with no waves.

Holding the lifeless pillow in his arms could be similar to holding a limply sleeping Rei. Only because Kaoru was so close, would he be able to feel Rei’s idyllic heart beat, and the proof that for as monstrous Rei claimed he was, he was still occupying the living world. The rise and fall of his chest slow, breathing at a pace that Kaoru was always two paces ahead of, but when they matched breath he could imagine they were soulmates. 

Kaoru’s breath catches in his throat.

His eyes open to a squint that melts away the dreamy heaven he tried willing himself into. He and Rei weren’t soulmates- they were partners in  _ strictly _ the business sense. Why was he trying to cling onto these delusions?

The dorm room is only illuminated by a night light shaped like a mineral of some kind that rests between Yuuta and Nagaisa’s bed, but it felt impossibly dark to Kaoru. He tries to swallow the growing sickness that flops around his stomach and twists it like raggedy twine, and it only leads to a choking noise he barely manages to muffle by shoving his head into the pillow. Despite his head buried into the cotton pillowcase in hopes to drown himself in the feathers buried inside, he can feel how his eyes leak woeful tears of a desolate love. 

Even in his fantasies, Kaoru can only be reminded that the sharp claws of loneliness clinging onto his heart is his only reality.

**Author's Note:**

> womp womp sorry kaorukun but im sure rei likes u back just talk to him  
> here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/AOlHlNATA)


End file.
